Quip Show

How I imagined asking out my co-worker:

Me: Hello, Grace. Oh, enough of the pretense, I can’t take it anymore. You must know that I want you. You must be able to see it written all over my face every time we pass each other in the office, every time we make small talk about movies in the break-room. Come out with me tonight. I’ll show you the time of your life and win you forever.
Grace: Oh, I don’t know, I’ve been hurt before. I’ve given my heart to many handsome-charming types like you and it was always handed back to me sad and broken.
Me: I’m not like those guys Grace, I could never hurt you. You want to know why? Because I love you. More than I love anything in the world. Nothing matters to me anymore—nothing but you.
Grace: Oh, I want so badly to trust you, I want so badly to let go of the fear and the heartache and take a chance.
Me: Then let go of it Grace, let go of the fear and the pain and bet on me. I’ll pay off for you Grace, I swear I will. I’ll spend my whole life trying to repay you with love and devotion the happiness you’ve already brought me just by coming through that door every morning.
(We embrace)
Grace: Oh, yes, take me out tonight, take me away from all of it and show me that there are still such things as joy and hope.
Me: Grace, tonight will be the first night of the rest of your life.
(We kiss)

How it actually went:

Me: Hey, uh, Grace. You wanna maybe go to dinner with me on Saturday?
Grace: Oh that’s sweet, you’re such a great person and I love you to death, but I, um, just got out of a relationship six months ago, and I’m not sure I’m in a place where I’m ready to start something new.
Me: Hey, totally cool. I get that, I completely get that. Everyone needs space sometimes and relationships are confusing and you always risk getting hurt and I respect that you need some time and I respect you and, uh…yeah. Well I’ve got to get going, I’ll see you tomorrow.