I love Back to the Future. It’s easily in my top ten. Depending on when I watched it last, it may even sneak into the top five. However, there is one scene that I’ve always had a problem with. George McFly has just knocked out Biff with one punch. Lorraine and he are sharing a dance. He’s shy and unsure, and she’s practically begging for a piece. Then, out of nowhere, some lanky ginger kid cuts in, and tells George to “beat it.” Now, after some serious slow motion back turning and pacing, George picks up his balls, and tells Alfred E. Newman to hit the bricks.

The problem is George had just knocked out the biggest, meanest motherfucker at Hill Valley High. I’m not talking modern day biggest, meanest motherfucker, the kind of guy who’ll push you against a locker and maybe question your sexual orientation. I’m talking 50’s biggest, meanest motherfucker. The kind of guy who’ll push you into a locker, definitely question your sexual orientation, beat the shit out of you, and try to sexually assault your date to the Enchantment Under the Sea dance.

So why would George allow himself, even for a moment, to be intimidated by the tallest member of the lollipop guild? If I had my way, instead of walking away all sad bastard, George would have immediately told Annie’s older brother to go to hell. Then grabbed two handfuls of poodle skirt and planted a kiss so passionate on Lorraine that, not only would they bring Marty back from the brink of nonexistence. Marty would be a foot taller.