December 2009
9 posts
Regarding Hipster Chuck Norris
His V-neck is so low you can see into his messenger bag.
He doesn’t change his skinny jeans, he sheds them once a month.
He roofied all the girls in the american apparel ads.
His car is a fixed gear.
He was born with a pencil thin mustache and a Death Cab t-shirt.
He has had a threesome with Zooey Deschanel and Ellen Paige.
Have you heard of Wolfman Summerbreak? Hipster Chuck Norris...
Today, on Christmas Eve, I had this exchange with my wife, who was raised athiest.
Me: Do you know what the significance of the “X” in X-mas is?
Wife: I don’t know, is it like Christ on the cross… tipped over?
Merry Christmas
WatchThe second in my 756 part series, better know colbert
WatchThe first in my 756 part series, the best Colbert moments
Theodore Roosevelt - Wikipedia, the free... →
Everyone could learn a little bit more about Theodore Roosevelt.
Private school, public attitude
Today, in my capacity as a children’s shoe salesman, I mentioned to a privately schooled young lady that I didn’t think the synapses in my brain were firing very well today. She shot me the most incredulous goddamn look I’ve ever gotten, and said, “um… it’s synopsis.” I’m sure, if she was a bit older, or if her mother wasn’t present, she would...
Unhappy Feet
If a movie studio decides to bet on a computer animated movie about an animal who dances well, why would they make that animal a penguin? Penguins can hardly walk.